One of Britain’s best loved comediennes, Jo Caulfield has an awful, awful lot to say. But what’s she’s saying isn’t awful. Her latest show, Jo Caulfield: Won’t Shut Up, hits the stand comedy club full of everything she wants to get off her chest, from personal irks to Kate Moss. Her energy puts me in mind of a car at the lights, revving its engine, desperate to get going – I hope I can keep up!
Why won’t you shut up?
I’ve got too much to say, too much to talk about. I’ve got a 5 point plan that will solve the current economic crisis. I’ve got a whole stack of inventions I want to take onto Dragons Den. There’s stuff about: my drunken girlfriends, their ugly children, condescending shop assistants, my dad’s paranoia about having his identity stolen and section about Scottish history and Scottish attitudes. I think my show is going to overrun
Which topics get you more riled up than others?
1) Rich bankers and rich politicians creating such a huge divide between the rich minority and the poor majority in Britain.
2) Amanda Holden (Amanda Holden for fuck sake!!) judging anyone.
Do your audience have to shut up? I’m sure you can handle the odd heckler!
Warning: Never heckle at a comedy show. The comedian will tear you to pieces. You are a drunken idiot and the comedian is a sober (well generally) professional.
Be aware that most comedians have an arsenal of witty replies ready; “I remember my first drink”, “Do I come down to your job and tell you how to flip burgers” and my personal favourite, “Interrupt me one more time and I’ll punch your face in”. Taking that into consideration the best heckler would ultimately be a ventriloquist on a night out with someone they don’t like.
Why not heckle in one of the places that deserve it: like Comet, or Virgin trains. Or when any so called service tells you, “We’ll send someone one round between 12 and 6”, that’s the perfect time to shout out – “I’ve heard that before. You’re rubbish you are!!”
Worst Heckle – At a club in Crystal Palace, a girl sitting at a front table vomited on to the stage, she then stayed sitting by the vomit and loudly ordered desert.
Best Heckle – My best heckle was actually a local mini-cab radio whose transmissions kept coming through the speakers. Whole routines were ruined by a disembodied voice demanding – “Pickup in South Norwood! Anyone, South Norwood!”
Tell me about one of your Dragon’s Den inventions?
A baby monitor that you connect to the TV – if the baby starts crying the TV automatically gets louder so you don’t miss anything.
And what did Kate Moss ever do to you?
Kate Moss was the first UK celebrity to design her own clothing range for Topshop, (which I was over the moon about because for years I’ve wanted to dress like a scrawny, promiscuous ex-cokehead but there just hasn’t been the right choice of garments around) and now every money-grabbing lowlife is doing it. Paris Hilton, Fearne Cotton, Lily Allen, etc and no-ones asked me!
IN FIVE WORD
Favourite thing about your show?
Jo Caulfield’s in it.
Favourite thing about the Festival?
Comedy and alcohol 24/7.
Where can we find you when you’re not performing?
Stockbridge Library or Lord Bodos (bar on Dublin Street).
What are you most looking forward to once it’s all over?
Recording my new radio series.
Don’t miss Jo Caulfield’s ‘Won’t Shut Up!’ at The Stand Comedy Club from the 6th till 30th (excluding the 17th and 24th) at 20′00.
Graham McIntosh
